Funniest Classroom MomentsHere are the five winners of our "Funniest Classroom Moments" contest, sponsored by Web English Teacher and E-Notes.com:
- Reading the excuse notes my 18-year-old students write out themselves in front of the class, I said 'I truly wish someone would be honest and tell me truth about why they miss the class. All these headaches and stomach upsets I read about somehow don't ring true.'
Ten minutes later another slip reached me saying 'Sorry for being absent yesterday after the 4th lesson. I had to go home because of the murderous flatulence that possessed me.'
Martina Baasner, Berlin, Germany
- I was teaching English 7 at an elementary school. Back in those days, we still had recess and snack time. My students regularly shared snacks. One day of my students named Gerald brought peanuts for the entire class. Now, Gerald came from a very poor family, so in my mind, I was questioning--how in the world could he afford to give peanuts to the entire class. The class was busily munching when I walked over to Gerald and casually remarked, "Gerald, that was certainly nice of you to supply peanuts for the class. Where did you get them?"
Gerald happily answered, "From the dump, you can find some good stuff at that dump."
Meanwhile, the rest of my class were gagging and, needless to say, sick to their stomachs the rest of the day.
Sandra Benson, Virginia
- I like to read books to my 6th grade class in an effort to expose them to the various genres and authors. One day I was reading Mick Harte Was Here by Barbara Park. It is a rather serious book in which a middle-school aged girl is dealing with the sudden death of her brother. At the very end of the book is the sentence, "It can give you the shivers if you think about it too much." Well, at least those are the words I read. When I spoke, it came out like this-"It can give you the shitters if you think about it too much." The whole class (including me) froze for a brief moment, then burst out in hysterical laughter. Since then, I smile and laugh to myself when I read that sentence.
Jennifer Dolan, Pennsylvania
- Story One:
One day in my eleventh grade English class, we were discussing how a play's director and actors continually revise their performances if things aren't going well, such as if someone flubs a line, misses a cue, or experiences some other mishap. Trying to put this into a context my non-thespians would understand, I asked if any of them played in the school orchestra. One demure young lady indicated she plays the violin. Thinking I had a good opportunity to prove my point, I said, "Let's say you're in the middle of a performance, and your G-string breaks...." I was mortified!
During a particularly exhasperating period with my tenth grade English class, many members of which continually whined that the class wasn't "fun," I decided to make it clear that I did not intend to stand before them and attempt to entertain them. I sternly began my speech on the goals of our class, the expectations that I had of my students, and the need for them to pay attention to instruction. I nearly lost my stride when, instead of saying that I would not perform tricks for them, I announced, "I am not going to sit up here and turn tricks for you." Thank goodness not a single one of them caught that, and I quickly wrapped up my rant and got back to the lesson.
My eleventh grade students had been reading Oedipus Rex , and we were discussing Oedipus as a tragic hero, specifically his desire to seek the truth at all costs and why he chose to blind himself rather than kill himself when he ultimately what he had done. Most of my students were mortified at the course of events in the play, but one student said matter-of-factly, "If I found out that I'd killed my father and slept with my mother, I'd have been like, 'Oops!'"
Shelley Stahl, Georgia
- While teaching Julius Caesar to my sophomores, I tried to "make it real" for the students and use their vocabulary to explain events. While discussing the assassination of Caesar, I found, to my embarrassment, that correct usage holds the same rules for "street talk" as it does for standard English. We were examining the dramatic irony in Caesar's "I am as constant as the Northern Star" speech, and I pointed out that it was ironic because we, the audience, knew that Caesar was about to get "whacked off" in the next few minutes. Five boys fell on the floor in hysterics. I stood there in confusion until one of them took me aside and explained the difference between "whacked" and "whacked off"... my face still burns.
Susan Woodward, New York
More stories from our contest >>>
Embarrassing/Funny Moments in my Life.
By Amethyst M
1. (About 4 years-old?)
When I was little my dad would leave for work, every morning and comeback, every afternoon, unless he had a business trip. Leaving my mum and I at home. Mum taught me to always lock the doors. She was gardening outside one day, and I was bored inside, so I went outside with mum. And since she taught me to lock the doors, I did. We ended up outside for an 1 hours and 50 minutes-ish, before our next door neighbour got home. He ended up having to take out one of the front windows and lowering me into the house threw the window.
2. (I grew up with 5 boys. Valentine - born 1985, Carl - born 1988, Benjamin - born 1989, Samuel - born 1993 and Daniel born 1994. I was the youngest, 1994.) (About 6 years-old?)
One day we were playing hide and go seek, Ben was in. Carl and I were hiding under the beds in his and Valentines room, I have no idea where Sam was, while Valentine “hid” in the toilet. Ben ran and started pushing on the toilet door, trying to open it, while Valentine was pushing on it to close it. (I think the lock was broken). Since they were both pushing up against the door, they took it off it’s hinges and the entire door came off. Being daddy’s little girl like I was, I ran down the hallway shouting at the top of my little lungs. “DADDY VALLY AND BENNY, BROKE THE TOILET DOOR!!!!!!!!” and to this day I can remember my dad storming down the hallway and shouting. “WHAT’S THAT SMELL?!?!”
3. (About 4 years-old?)
Dad got pulled over for speeding, and the officer said “I’m going to have to give you a ticket.” and I decided to say to the officer. “Can I have one too?”. The officer actually gave me one. I still have it.
4.(About 6 years-old?)
I was really angry with dad, one day when we had to go into town. So I decided to take my anger out on the car, so I locked the door, and slammed it shut…. On the three middle fingers of my right hand…
5. (About 7 years-old?)
You know how on TV, people look threw the holes in fences. I decided to do that and I ended up being poked in the eye. IT HURT!
6 (8 years-old)
Our neighbour two houses down, Johnny. He has a Hunchback a condition known as Kyphosis. So one day I said to him, “Johnny! It was you!” and he was confused so he asked back, “What was me, Amethyst?” so I excitedly answered, “In the movie I just saw, you saved the Gypsy!!”
7. (14 years-old)
I and my best friend Regina, decided to watch Paranormal Activity, with two of our guy friends Kennith and Miko. Miko got motion sickness from the camera moving so much, within the first 10 minutes, so he sat outside in the lobby. Kennith left the movie, every 10 minutes or so to check on Miko. Regina and I watched the whole movie while screaming at appropriate times. Dad says if I watch horror movies to shouldn’t be scared after. Anyway at home that night, I was too scared and fused to sleep or even go into my room. My room has a manhole…
8. (15 years-old)
My friend Aisling and I watched Paranormal Activity 2! After her parents dropped me off, I walked in the gate and locked it, the side of the house that the driveway is down, there’s only one window. My bedroom.. As I was walking down the driveway (the driveway is like 20 metres) the light in my room flicked on then off, but I ignored it and keep walking and I got to the back patio, I looked through the windows and I saw that the TV was on but there was no sound. Which was weird. So I opened the back door and then MY MUM JUMPED OUT FROM BEHIND THE DOOR AND SHOUTED “BOOOO!” I swear I had a heart attack, but mum said I was being over dramatic.
9. (16 years-old.)
The ANZ Bank has a automatic glass sliding doors, and then about 3 metres ahead there's another set of automatic glass sliding doors. Anyway, the day I went to get my licence, I had to stop by the bank, and I walked through the first set of doors, and went to walk through the second set but they didn't open. So I ended up running into them, and they shook, I was so scared I thought they were going to break. I was SO embarrassed, since everyone in the bank was staring at me. And to make things even worse, the bank security system went off...
I tend to run into walls and door often.. :/ so I’m not going to bother writing them in. Unless you want me to, well ask me to.
10. (16 years-old)
I was driving and I’d just come to my first round-a-bout. I was, taking the same road forward. There were no incoming cars, so I set off around the round-a-bout. I ended up driving on an angle, the driver’s side wheels were ON the round-a-bout, I was so embarrassed while looking at the road. When I looked up there was a police car, going to other direction, about to stop at the round-a-bout. The two police officers in the car, were laughing at me, and when they saw I was looking at them, and they smiled.
11. (16 years-old)
Dad was sitting in for me, while I was driving. We were coming close to a bakery and dad couldn’t decide if he wanted a pie. So we continues to drive in silence, then just about as we were about to pass the turn off dad shouts “TURN RIGHT!” so being shocked and scared, I take a sharp turn Left. Into a driveway, while the mailbox broke off the passenger’s side mirror.
12.Calling people the wrong names.
Calling mum - dad.
Calling dad - mum.
Calling regina - mum.
Calling mum - regina.
Calling regina’s mum - mum.
Calling regina’s mum - regina.
Calling Mr Hart - Mrs Hart.
Calling Mrs Hart - Mr Hart.
Calling Mr Hart - Mr Knight.
13. My friend Tyler, says my life is a Comedy. He literally laughs at me 78.9% of the time we spend together. I’ll have to ask him some of the most memorable moments.
14. (16 years-old)
Aisling, Sam (girl) and I were at the Boys Like Girls Concert, while we were waiting outside, we were just talking. Aisling and Sam were trying to see the front of the line which was about 15 metres in front of us. And then Aisling said “Amethyst stand up and look.” and I answered back “I am standing up.” I’m like 160cm (5.2ft). While Aisling and Sam are both a couple of centimetres/inches taller then me.